You live in a world of unspoken agreements and implicit expectations. You live in a world where many feel that if they do “x” someone owes them “y.” A parent raises a child and expects that child to take care of them in later years. A woman or man is a dutiful daughter or son and expects their parent’s blessing when they finally make their own choices. A partner sacrifices his or her own dreams for the other, expecting to be loved and supported in return. Perhaps. alternately a partner supports the other financially and expects to be loved for being the provider.
While these are certainly reasonable requests, they become troublesome when they are left as unspoken expectations. If you do something with an expectation of having someone else do something or behave a certain way in return, then you have, in effect, stopped treating the other person as a soul, and started treating them as an “object” – a thing that must behave in a certain manner. Inevitably, this leads to disappointment, bitterness, upset and even hatred in extreme cases.
In reality dear ones you are all learning, growing, and trying to assist one another towards greater understandings of love.
Rather than harboring unspoken agreements, make explicit requests. “I will babysit your kids every week if you can be available when I occasionally need some help.” “I don’t mind providing for you but I do need some sympathy and understanding that I work long hours in return.” “I will take care of you. I only ask that you treat me kindly.” And to your kids. “I love you. I expect you to behave in a certain way. If you don’t here is what will happen.”
Decide what you will do if the requests are not met. Will you make the request of someone else? Will you let it go, realizing it is not so important? Will you walk away and move towards greener pastures and kinder souls? Will you simply outline the consequence of certain choices.
If the friend you have helped on a daily basis will not help you, you can choose to ask someone else to assist. You can walk away from the friendship, realizing it has been one-side all along. You can simply modify your plans. Only you will know what is true for you. If you children behave in ways that you don’t like, again you have choice. You can drop into your heart and tell them how you feel. You can disown them. Again only you can choose what is honestly in your heart.
This way of living requires great personal responsibility. It requires you to be clear about what you want, courageous enough to express it, and faithful enough to know that if someone can’t meet your requests that the entire universe is there waiting to assist with other alternatives. It is much more work to take responsibility in this way than to simply expect others to conform to your wishes and get upset when they don’t.
However, dear ones, if you want to be free, we encourage you to release yourself and others from the bondage of expectations. Engage instead in real, honest, and authentic dialog in which you make explicit requests. Allow yourself to be who you are and want what you want. Allow others to be who they are. In this fashion you will easily see who honestly fits your life, and who doe not.