As you can imagine, now that my dog is in heaven and the gazillion loads of wash are done, I’m starting to finally wind down from a year of being on-call with my aging wolf dog duties! Last week when all my have-to-do duties were done I realized I felt a little lost. Without having to rush to care for someone, without laundry, and pee pee pads, medications, etc… I wasn’t sure what to do! Worse yet, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do! I do know from my work that this is a normal sensation after you lose someone, but I didn’t like not being able to feel my own heart, so I set about fixing that immediately.
I got all my weekend work done early so I could have a few days with no plans, no structure, no commitments, and little outside interaction. It was time for me to reconnect with myself. Funny how when you are on overdrive, although you desperately want time off, the minute you get it, you don’t know what to do! And so when my alarm rang after a wonderful night’s sleep on Saturday morning, I made myself lie in bed, breathe, and did some Reiki on myself. I meditated and then sat and asked myself… “What do I WANT to do? Right now?”
The answer surprised me. I wanted to put on my beautiful music, grab a book and a cup of tea and read in bed with the window open to the rain, the curtains blowing in the breeze, and Lucy, my labrador, seated right next to me. Within minutes, I was in cozy heaven! I remembered who I was, beyond spiritual teacher, counselor, etc. I was a female who needed creature comforts, inspiration, nature, and beauty. After an hour of such bliss, suddenly the urge to clean the closets hit in a big way. Pretty soon I was up to my elbows in clothes that didn’t fit and happily making piles to go to the thrift store. I felt like I was starting to breathe again and my home was too. The entire weekend continued this way… me doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. I got a lot accomplished in no particular order and even had time Sunday night to clean house, answer emails, and channel this newsletter – more than I usually get done when I “try” to do my “to do” lists! Even pre-meopausal brain-fry which often has me forgetting why I walked across the room (!) didn’t seem to matter much. I was living in the moment again, guided by the heart, and life once again started to flow.
So no matter how crazy life gets, at the first possible moment, return to living by heart. Carve out a little time to slow down, breathe, and check in with yourself to see what you really want to do. Everything centers on our hearts. The minute we get back in touch with them life starts moving more gracefully. I got so much done I can’t believe it and yet I did not feel rushed, pressured, or even like I was working. Heaven on earth is created one moment at a time, one choice at a time, as we align with our own hearts.