This past year has brought many challenges but also many blessings. I’ve seen it in my own life, and I’ve heard many confess, almost embarrassed, that they loved the gifts these times have catalyzed in their lives. There have been more than a multitude of adult tantrums too because change is not always easy when we resist and, without exception, the past year has demanded we change.
We may not all know how we’re going to carry these internal changes forward, but one moment at a time we will. For now, take time to appreciate who you’ve become and how our world is changing.
In mid-March, I received a newsletter from a well-known newspaper. It contained a collection of articles on how hard and how bad 2020 was. I don’t think any of us can argue with the points made, but I wanted to cry out, “What about the blessings?”
After a year of collectively facing mortality as a species, we now have a much stronger desire to love, appreciate, and make good use of our lives.When we couldn’t connect as usual, we valued our families, friends, and relationships even more.
In a year when old habits were stopped in their tracks, we had to dig deeper and ask ourselves, “What matters? Who I am really, beneath my role, my status, my social life, etc.? Who do I want to be?”
For those willing, 2020 was a year of soul searching and finding deeper meaning and expanded purpose. I witnessed many people who started new careers, become more innovative, relaxed, and released the need to fit anyone else’s standards or expectations. We zoomed in yoga pants and virtually visited each other’s homes. We watched celebrities and newscasters broadcast from their living rooms or kitchens. They spoke from their hearts with kids, family. pets and everyday life going on in the background. As a culture, we got more real with one another.
In a year when we were awakened deeply to the sickening horror of systemic racism, the world collectively began to dig it out by the roots from the recesses of our own souls. I think most of us asked ourselves, “How can we do better? How can we embrace diversity with greater passion? How can we end violence in our hearts and homes?” There’s a long way to go but, thank God, there’s no going back.
Without question, there were, and still are horrors, but there were also many blessings that arose during these times. There were people that came out in droves in neighborhoods and organizations to help one another. There were quiet souls who sewed masks, and others who found sweet purpose in leaving inspiring notes for their neighbors. There were front-line workers who, at long last, were celebrated as the heroes they truly are. There was a greater appreciation for those who quietly support the rest of our lives – the delivery drivers, the postal service, the store clerks. We collectively turned more often to the Source and the light within. We grew. We expanded. We learned more about ourselves.
So, in the end, are we going to simply look back and say, “Thank God that’s over?” Or are we going to at long last say, “Thank God that’s over but thank God we learned. Thank God we took the opportunity in the darkness to find a greater light. Thank God, in one of humanity’s toughest hours we became more, not less human with one another.
Thank you 2020. Thank you, COVID. I, along with billions are glad you are slowly but surely fading from our reality, but while there is breath still in my own lungs, I will give thanks for how you have changed, molded, and inspired us to become stronger, kinder, better, and more authentic than we’ve ever been. As you tried to rob us of our lives, we are finding the hearts of our souls… and in the end, in our eternal journey, this is real Life that can never be taken away.
Here are a few pointers on how to help you maintain a good relationship with yourself moving forward:
1. Be honest with yourself
It no longer works to push yourself, to do the things you don’t want to do unless you absolutely have to, or to pretend to be OK with something that isn’t. In this strong and quick-moving energy, it hurts not to listen to your heart. We must be authentic in our own activities.
When you don’t feel good, stop. Ask yourself, “What thought am I thinking that feels bad? How can I change this? What can I do that appeals the moment I have time? Where am I not being honest with myself about what I want to think or do?” Love yourself where you’re at, as you would love a hurting child. Soothe yourself and remind yourself that taking care of yourself is a priority. As soon as possible do the healthy thing that you really want to do.
2. Accept yourself… all of you
Stop the self-criticisms. When you catch yourself, challenge yourself to use sweet talk instead. Instead of saying, “I hate when I do that,” say “Congratulations, honey! You noticed you were doing something you don’t like so that means you see it and can change it! Good job!”
When you feel like getting something done, but are unmotivated tell yourself, “It’s OK. It’s fun to dream. At the right time, I’ll be inspired to get going. I think I’ll just rest now.” Be kind to yourself.
3. Never argue for your limitations
Catch yourself when you’re trying to justify why you feel bad, or when you’re telling stories of victimization to yourself or others. Challenge yourself to focus forward, to find things to feel better about, or to tell a more powerful story. For example:
“Yes, someone was unkind, but they’re just hurting. I generally like myself and have so many wonderful and mature people in my life”.
“Yes, the car needed expensive repairs, but how wonderful that I have great people to work on it and God always comes through with help.”
“Yes, the Internet got flaky, but it was perfect timing and a delightful, knowledgeable repair man handled it quickly.”
If you’re in a mood and can’t find a way to feel more positive, comfort yourself. Tell yourself, “There are other things I can focus on now. I can grab a cup of tea and relax a bit. I can go for a walk. I don’t have to focus on the painful stuff over and over. There are good things in my life…
Try not to win the game of “whose life is worse” or justify feeling bad. Instead, seek to feel better.
This past year has motivated us all to change and grow as individuals and as a human species. We may not be “out of the woods” yet but we’re moving in a good direction. Times ahead may still be pretty bumpy. There are lots of disagreements in the world. Nonetheless, we do not have to be in conflict within ourselves.
After all, the relationship that matters most at the end of your life, is the one you have with you.
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