I’ve been through a journey this past week unlike anything before. As I filmed the next Series of “Ann & the Angels” I was forced to practice everything I preach at deeper levels than ever before. The results in my life and my heart are exquisitely beautiful in spite of the depth and challenge of the lesson..
I got on the flight to California, feeling wonderful in my body and excited in my heart. I got off an hour later with a twisted ileocecal valve (twisted intestines), bloated like a walrus, and in excruciating pain. I’ve had this condition a few times ever since fear triggered it in 2012 when a neighbor’s house caught on fire, and some challenges in a friendship triggered it again a year later. The one time I went to a clinic, they told me it was life threatening and wanted me to rush to the Emergency room. I declined and healed it on my own.
Ever since then I’ve had to be more careful with what I eat. Apparently something I ate did not agree. In any case, I barely made it to the hotel. I called the film team and told them I was not sure if I’d be able to film the next day. They agreed to visualize healing with me and we all decided to wait and see how things went. I tried not to panic, called a friend who offered me some human comfort, and started to pray.
I faced my worst fears that night in the hotel room – of being alone and in unbearable pain. I was in a city I did not know, with no healers I knew, no medicines, no natural remedies, and in a pain so strong I could barely breathe. Spasms of pain went through me in waves, each one worst than the last. I had no car, and no way of knowing how long the problem would last. In the past it has been four or five days before I felt any relief at all, and at least a few weeks before I could eat normally.
In the midst of my prayers, I realized I was about to film a show on manifesting and creating miracles – a show in which I share that when “you don’t know how, God does.” Clearly it was time to practice everything I was going to preach. I had asked to manifest perfect health. Now was my chance.
I focused on being in the studio the next morning. Fears assaulted me non-stop for the first few hours, but every time one came up, I imagined breathing light into it and gave it to God. I had fears of not healing, not being able to film, not being able to fly home, messing up my show entirely, fears of having to go to the ER and pay for it forever, fears of never being completely well again, not being able to bear the pain, disappointing everyone I wanted to serve… I was besieged by a barrage of lies, but one by one by one, I sent them away.
I faced lifetimes worth of illusion – lifetimes when I was tortured, lifetimes when I was left alone to die… The sensations were as real as if that were the case, but I kept affirming truth, “God is with me. God is in me. There is no separation between me and perfect health. I am not and cannot be alone because love lives and abides in me and breathes life into me.”
After a few hours of this “dance with internal demons,” the fears calmed. I was able to focus more clearly on the desired outcome. I imagined filming happily. I recalled what feeling good felt like. I breathed slowly and deeply, and invited all the healers in spirit and the angels to help me. WIth each painful spasm I breathed more deeply, surrendering to it, as if I was in labor trying to embrace the contractions. I completely surrendered my will to God’s. “Thy will be done.” If God wanted me to film I would. If not I would not. I started to feel that blissful peaceof mind that comes with totally trusting in a greater Love.
When at long last, I was completely peaceful in spite of the pain, I looked in my own eyes in the mirror until I could see the light of God within them, affirming from the depths of my heart, “This light is the truth. This light is the truth of my being. No matter what I see in front of me, no matter what I feel, God’s perfection lives within me.” I became deeply silent, deeply present, and looked at that light in my eyes until I felt it moving through my body, beginning to heal me.
By 5am the next morning, in spite of being awake and in pain all night, a surge of energy rushed through me and I felt excited, passionate about filming, and knew, in spite of still looking like a walrus from the waist down I could do it. We decided to just do as many episodes as I could even if that meant not getting through the entire series. As I got in front of the camera, something magical started to happen. I felt my love for the material, my love for the viewers, and an overwhelming love and gratitude for the grace of God which had me arrive safely at the other side of my worst nightmare. Suddenly there was nothing but energy and information flowing through.
I filmed five episodes that day and was able to eat normally. The next day I fit in my regular clothes more easily and was able to film five more. By the time we got to day three I was feeling positively euphoric, amazing in my body, and flooded with the grace and love of God flowing through me. I got my miracle healing. I felt washed clear of lifetimes. I can’t even describe the sensation of not having fears, that I didn’t even know I had before, gripping my body.
And better yet, this series on “Manifesting with the Angels” is now imprinted with the energy that it teaches, imbued in the healing energy of God creating a real miracle for me in my life, even as I filmed. I have no idea what possibilities this will offer the viewers but I feel it is transformational. I may look a little tired and trip over my words a few more times in the first few episodes, but the energy is amazing.
There are times when it is time to face our worst fears – when we get ill, when life falls apart, when someone we love betrays us. In these challenges, when we don’t know how to get through the darkness, God does. The angels and the eternal constant Loving Source that breathes life into the universe are there at all times, waiting to bring life and light back into the situation. If we do our part, working with our own minds and hearts to align with truth, and if we surrender to a higher will in these times, absolute miracles are possible God knows how to transform any situation – beautifully, quickly, elegantly, and in a more loving way than we might ever imagine.
I feel alive, connected, and blissful right now as I feel the love of God flowing through my heart. Some big old blockages have been set free, and with them, the light that wants to animate our lives is flowing through mine. I’ve worked all week, put up the Christmas decorations, and am looking forward to cooking my Thanksgiving dinner with true gratitude and deep love. I cannot wait to see what comes of this… I know it is going to be very, very beautiful.
So, when you don’t know how… God does. This week, try remembering this simple truth, in all things great and small.