It’s easy to become defensive these days. We are wired for fight/flight if we perceive a threat and there are a lot of perceived threats flying around.When we’re afraid or insecure, our egos react as if we are being chased by a tiger. In reality, the tiger is our own fear, our own lack of self-worth, and a lack of confidence in our ability to create.

Interestingly, many of us were conditioned to identify defensiveness withconfidence and self-worth. “I have a right to my opinions!” We do, but if we truly believed that, we could live peacefully with our own perspectives, share kindly from our hearts, manifest what we want, and let others do the same.

“I stuck up for myself!” I’ve done that. The ego feels a need to make sure everyone knows it is”right.” The soul knows it is fine with the Divine, exactly as it is.

“I told so and so exactly how the cow at the cabbage!” (It’s a farm analogy about making sure someone knows “the” truth) The other person probably doesn’t believe “the cow ate the cabbage” or even care! They have their own version of the truth. While this is somewhat humorous, being defensive often gives us a temporary, false sense of confidence or power.

Truly confident people, however, don’t have a need to justify or defend themselves. They calmly explain themselves, work for what they believe in, have healthy boundaries, and either walk away from, remain silent, or quickly correct unpleasant behaviors. They don’t let the world around them drag them into its arguments. They don’t need to justify their opinions. They’re at peace within themselves.

I once read a story about someone asking a famous actress – I think it was Audrey Hepburn – if she felt guilty having so much when others had little. She didn’t get defensive or justify how hard she’d worked for it. She dropped into her heart and said, “Actually I feel incredibly blessed.” I heard someone ask Rachel Ray – the famous cook – what she thought about a hate site that aimed horrendous jabs and vitriol at her every day. “They have a right to their opinions and freedom of speech,” she said honestly and without a shred of sarcasm. She giggled. “I kind of like who I am!” The ability to choose a response with love vs. becoming defensive is an indication of true confidence and self-worth.

The way to avoid defensiveness and justification is to really own your choices. Own your beliefs. Own your perspectives and if you don’t like the results, re-evaluate and pick better ones.

In my younger days, I was horribly defensive because I was horribly insecure. I didn’t feel “good enough” as is. I identified with all the labels that made me feel like a good person, and if anyone attacked me I’d try to “one-up them” with my almighty intellect. I used to spend hours or days writing and re-writing an email to justify my opinions, explain myself, or defend my goodness. It was a total waste of time and energy, other than the fact that it exhausted and frustrated me enough to help me seek a better way to respond to life!

The angels taught me a much simpler way to live. Be me. Communicate kindly and authentically. Accept myself and give myself permission to walk away from those who don’t. Spend more time serving from my soul’s joy and less time exhausting myself serving from ego. The list goes on but the bottom line was that the angels helped me be comfortable being me.

I’ll never forget a time when I was so frustrated by a woman who didn’t listen to my point of view, talked over me, and insisted on me doing things the way she thought I should. I felt incredibly defensive around her because I didn’t know how to be powerful and kind. In this case, I couldn’t walk away because we were in a group that I enjoyed. “Angels! She doesn’t listen to a thing I say! What can I possibly say?” I was ranting but really wanted a loving solution. Their answer was so insanely, perfectly, simple. Tell her, “I don’t feel like you’re hearing anything I say, so I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I laughed myself silly. So obvious. So true. So authentic. So not confrontational or mean, but simply from the heart! That was exactly what was in my heart. I did say that and she stopped, listened for the first time, and we had our first really good conversation. Interestingly she left the group soon after.

Another time a guy at work was acting extremely inappropriately. I was in my young twenties and afraid of him. The angels, being angels, once again stated the obvious. “There’s no need to justify how you feel or get him to understand how inappropriate this is. Just tell him if he doesn’t stop it you’ll report him.” I did have the conversation and a week after, totally not related in 3D but perfectly vibrationally related, he was transferred out of my group.

My own dad and I used to butt heads frequently. He’s a brilliant scientist, and in the scientific paradigm, anything called “truth” requires a double-blind study. I have a scientific background too, but now understand many spiritual “truths” that I simply cannot prove. At first, I tried to defend my beliefs with pseudo-science which led to even more unsatisfying conversations. He was quick to point out the as-yet unproved elements of my arguments, and he was scientifically right. I remember the “ah-ha” moment where I simply said, “You know I can’t prove most of my experiences or beliefs. I’m just sharing them with you. You don’t have to believe me. You’re my dad. I love you and I want to share my reality with you, that’s all.” Oh my gosh! So simple. So true. So authentic. We have had brilliant, loving discussions ever since, even on issues where we have very different “truths.” The defensiveness is gone.

The world is ripe for arguments and defensiveness these days. Everyone is feeling their truth bubble up to the surface, whether pleasantly or not. Everyone has a right to their own point of view. We don’t need anyone to agree with us. We simply have to own our own choices, be congruent with our own beliefs, and deliberately attune to the vibrations we want to experience.

For example, there are arguments all over the place about the vaccine! There are perspectives of all sorts. I’ve had people writing me hoping I’ve “done my duty,” and people writing me hoping I’ll tell them the vaccine is evil and we’re “right” to avoid it. I lovingly and honestly respond that my perspective is the one the angels taught me – that we all have a God-given inner compass and as long as we listen to that and deliberately attune to a vibration of well being, whether you take the vaccine or not, you’ll be just fine. It is a 5D version of reality. I don’t want people to make the choice I have. I want to support people in making the choice they are guided to make.

I’ve also heard people defending their choices in a multitude of ways because they’re not owning it 100%. There’s no need for defense or justification. Listen to your inner compass. Own your choice and your vibration. Get on with enjoying life. “But what about the evil people trying to control the world,” I’ve heard? “What about the unvaccinated who can hurt me?” What about…

The angels remind us time and again. No one has more power over you than your own vibration.

Putting it humorously, they once said, “Life is like soup.” There are brilliant souls who want to help humanity that contributed to the vaccine. There are greedy ones who did too. There are dear earth angels who just wanted to help everyone get back to normal. There are also those you’d call “devils” who want to see if there are ways to control people in the future. It is a big pot of soup, and as always if you don’t like the carrots, peas, or frequencies, set them aside and choose the ones you want with your intention. As for me, Pass the peace, please. I tune into the higher frequencies of light and love as much as I can and leave the rest alone. I focus on supporting thousands of people in their well-being, harmony, and joy, and focus on what I want to see in the world so as to help empower those vibrations. That’s my truth.

I know there are a lot of people “on the attack.” I hear it in emails every day. Many of you are trying to live peacefully in your own truth, but have others attacking your perspectives. It is OK to remain silent or come from the heart whether anyone agrees or not. It’s OK to say I don’t want to discuss this because it’s so controversial and I would rather love than argue.” It’s ok to say, “Here’s my opinion and I’d like to hear yours even if we disagree.” It’s ok to say anything you please, but try to dig deep, and try to come from the heart when you speak rather than from a defensive posture. It is ok to be you. You’re fine in God’s eyes!

Not everyone is capable of a mature, kind, and respectful response. Some people need the fight to feel empowered. You don’t. Disengage. Acknowledge the validity of their perspective or simply listen. Validate the elements of conversation you can agree with. Whatever you do, know that they are right for their soul’s path and you are right for you.

God said to Moses from the burning bush, “I am who I am” and the angels taught me to say in any given moment, “I am who I am” as well…

In the words of a popular phrase these days, “You do you” and I’ll do me, and then we’ll both be spiritually free!


Here are a few pointers to help you drop your defenses and come from the heart:

1. Grant yourself the right to be you

Post the angels words below or something like this where you can see them and repeat them every day:

“I give myself permission to be me. I give myself permission to listen to my own inner compass. I give myself permission to choose the vibrations I wish to call into my life. I give myself permission to be the beautiful soul God made me to be. I love the light within me. I give the light within permission to guide me, guard me, and live joyously within me. I grant myself the right to be me.”

I grant myself the right to be me.

Only when you accept you, will you be able to drop the defenses and justifications.

2. Drop into your heart before you speak

Years ago I had a friend with a very wise grandma who used to say, “Once your words escape your lips you can never take them back.” Think carefully before you speak… and while I believe in coming from the heart, there are times when this advice is priceless.

When you’re in a high, happy, loving vibe, speaking in a stream of consciousness is just fine. Only love will flow in this space.

When you’re cranky, irritated, upset, or in any lower vibe, it pays to think twice before speaking because your words are almost certainly going to be defensive. Breathe. Drop into your heart. What do you want to say? Look deep. Go beyond the need to make others understand you, and instead just ask your heart… “What do you want to say?” Even the tough stuff is received more kindly when spoken with love.

3. Be honest and clear about what you need

The angels have coached me to be clear about what I want out of a conversation and to communicate that if it is not obvious…

“May I share my perspective, even if you don’t agree? I just want to be understood without judgment…”

“Would you like some help with that or do you already have a solution? I have some suggestions that might work.”

Years ago I had the funniest conversation with a wonderful man I was dating at the time. I was near tears due to a challenging situation in life, and I just wanted to be held. I knew he wasn’t a mind-reader so I went to him and asked, “I am near tears and would love to be held. Do you think you can just hold me silently for ten minutes while I sob? If not, it’s ok but I have to go to the other room because I can feel the tears coming…”

“What will that do?” he asked, totally in man mode and ready to help me solve the situation. I was getting too emotional and couldn’t think straight. “I’ll explain later, can you do it now? I felt the tears coming.”OK,” he said, puzzled but willing to learn more about the mysteries of the female psyche! I set the microwave timer for ten minutes and burrowed in his arms while I sobbed my heart out. As promised, he just held me in silence. When the tears subsided I explained that I already knew the solution, but it felt good to lean on someone strong and just let it all go. He took this in, and later emailed several male friends, “I’ve figured out how to help women,” he wrote. “It’s much easier than you think. Duct tape your mouth shut and just hold ’em!” I howled as he pressed “send!” Had I not framed the request by telling him what I needed it might have been an emotional disaster for us both!

There are many times when framing a tough or controversial conversation from your heart will help it go much deeper.


Things are heated “out there” but there’s a lot less “heat” when we come from the deeper, more authentic expressions of the “heart.” There’s no need to pick up the sword or pull out the shields and ready for battle. The only real battle is the one between the true loving You, and the ego who has a burning need to justify, defend, and be “right.”

You are always right for your own journey. Remind yourself of that often this week. As you accept you, a great many others will too. You are who you are and that is always and forevermore Divine.

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