This idea that my feelings were about my relationship with myself vs. my relationship with the outside world was a revelation. It has been one of the most challenging concepts I’ve learned to embrace during my journey with the angels and the most freeing.
Like most of us, I took some responsibility for my feelings, especially the good ones! However, when life or someone else was unpleasant or “wrong” (according to me!) I blamed them for my upset. I used to get raging mad at mean people, frustrated when I couldn’t live up to my own impossible standards of perfection, and sad beyond words when I witnessed the world’s pain. Now I have compassion for the unpleasant souls, gave up my standards of perfection and enjoy life, and bear witness to the world with only a desire to uplift. Love has finally gained access to my life with far less resistance than I used to have. My feelings continue to be my barometer of its flow.
Years ago, I saw the power of releasing resistance very clearly. I had been “psychic in the window” at a local metaphysical bookstore when they decided to close up shop. Suddenly I was self-employed. I had never been self-employed, and I had a whole lot to learn in a short time.
Like many new entrepreneurs, I thought I had to take any and all business that came my way. When someone wanted a reading, I changed my plans to accommodate their schedule, even if that meant missing social engagements, skipping dinner, or losing sleep. I started getting cranky and upset at people who abused my time or good nature and didn’t pay me, but I didn’t do anything about it!
Clearly, my soul was seeing this situation differently than I was. My bad feelings were giving me information. Change my thoughts. Change my actions. Change my focus. I started by changing my thoughts. I was lucky to do what I loved. I didn’t have to see people at all hours of night or day. I could charge for every conversation. Just exploring those ideas felt better.
In that better vibe, the angels got through with detailed and specific recommendations about structuring my schedule to accommodate clients, office work, housework, friends and family, and the rest of my life. It sounded lovely! I was being handed precisely the help and love I had requested.
I resisted it!
I still didn’t believe that I could make a living unless I bent over backward to accommodate people all hours of the day. I didn’t value myself or my time. I didn’t believe people would come to me unless I demonstrated how deeply I understood their pain! I thought I was holier if I “stood-under” them while helping them up! Like most of us, I was raised in that “no pain / no gain” culture, even if no one ever specifically said that to me. And so I resisted the love so obviously offered to me until I burnt out so thoroughly and got so tired it was obvious I had to change my actions.
I implemented the angel schedule, and the quality of my life improved immediately and dramatically. I attracted clients who wanted more substantial assistance rather than those coming for a quick hit or a dose of entertainment. I learned that martyrdom didn’t pay the bills nearly as well as a well-organized business! I had time for the things I loved, including work, family, friends, and play. I had stopped resisting love. My feelings were the indicator.
I’ve since learned to stop blaming the world and others for my feelings.I’ve learned to look where the power can be found – where I can change my thoughts, actions or focus to stop pinching off the love that wants to flow to me at all times. Sometimes when I get stuck on a bad-feeling thought, I literally feel my angels trying to draw my attention elsewhere. They’ve sent me for pedicures, told me to let go and get coffee, and – when I’m open – have helped me find deep compassion for some of the most unthinkably cruel and badly behaved souls I’ve encountered.
They’ve taught me I can love and feel good, even when I don’t like.They’ve taught me to look away from what irritates me instead of trying to find it pleasing. They’ve taught me that I’m allowed to focus on joy and desired outcomes instead of mucking around trying to resolve pain and focusing on problems more than is necessary. They’ve taught me to live and let live. There are still some souls I deeply love and revere for the role they played in my expansion, but I wouldn’t want to do the dance again with them if you paid me! There are ideologies that some of my clients love that are far from my own beliefs, but I can love their love for what works for them, even if I am different..
The angels have taught me that if water doesn’t flow through a faucet, there’s no point yelling at the faucet. There are plenty of ways to fix the faucet or find water elsewhere. Likewise, when a person behaves badly, there’s no point in getting yourself pinched off from love on their account, even if it won’t flow through them! I now go to spirit to help me resolve any difficulties. They always guide me to change my thoughts, change my actions or change my focus. I used to need “completion” with everyone in my life. I wanted others to understand me. Now “completion” sometimes means walking away from something unpleasant without anyone else understanding at all. I understand me. God understands me. Good enough.
The result is a joy and exuberance for life unlike any I have felt in years. Energy and passion keep me up late and help me wake up feeling refreshed. I’ve been able to dig deeper, share more meaningful conversations in these messages and help more of my clients. I am full of ideas for projects that will add more joy, play, and understanding to life. I’m able to help raise others up and support those in pain. The time I used to waste blaming others for my bad feelings has been freed up, and love is pouring into my life.
I know there is suffering in the world. I am not happy about that. But I can focus my attention on loving and assisting when I can and being happy when I cannot. I can let love flow to me and, therefore, through me. The more I keep myself up, the more I can uplift. I solve nothing by pinching myself off from love and feeling bad.
Two family members were going through a tough time with their health. I used to feel horrible when that happened. I can’t do that anymore. I must maintain my connection to love to be of genuine service. I was able to bring positive energy into their lives while they were healing, to lift them up instead of dragging them down further with my own worry. They are healing.
It is time on earth when we are called to joy. More accurately, we are being called to open ourselves up to the never-ending flow of love.
Here are a few tips to help you see where you resist love and allow it in…
1. Don’t judge love by its form or scale
Love looks different for each of us. For some, it is pulling the covers up and sleeping for another few hours because you are in pain. For others, it is sharing a joyous romp with your grandkids or dog. For some, it is a passion project; for others a good meal. For many, it is five o’clock, getting in the car after work and heading home. When you’re sitting at a job you don’t like, love might encourage you to dream of a better one, to talk to someone who can give you ideas, or to start a side project.
For some, love is spending time with a spouse, and for others, it is avoiding them! Love looks so different for each of us. It comes to us moment by moment, calling us in a way that is most kind at that moment.
Love might call you in grand or subtle, predictable or surprising ways. What is love for you in one moment may be different than what looks like love for another. Trust. You know what feels more loving to you.
2. Focus on Progress, not Perfection
We can only experience as much love as we’re ready to allow in a given moment. When you’re in a good mood, that’s a lot. That may be a lot when you’re in a bad mood, but also focused on feeling better. When you’re sour about everyone and everything in life or in deep doubt about getting something you want, the most love you can receive might be a little soothing. It changes from moment to moment.
Instead of constantly wanting to feel intensely wonderful (as we all do!), start at the moment and aim to feel better. Focus on making progress step by step, and as you let trickles of love in, more will flow.
For example, it often feels humanly impossible to open up to love when grieving. Grief, by its very nature, focuses on the physical loss of a loved one. Even though you may understand that they are still present, and their love is still available – often in greater measure than while they were on earth – we’re human. We’ve been born and raised with the mindset that death is an end. If you’re grieving, opening to love may have to come in small doses.
Blocking love involves beating yourself up and guilt-tripping yourself for what you feel you could have, should have, and would have done differently. You block your dear one’s love when you focus on any feeling that you failed them. You block their love if you feel terrible about their earthly pain because right now, they’re not in pain, and they’re not focused on past pains. They’re transmitting their love to you from an entirely different, blissful reality. We block love if we focus on their bad behaviors on earth. Death changes one immediately. They see everything clearly. They feel the results of their life. They understand your heart and their own.
When you’re grieving, reaching for a better feeling may involve wrapping yourself up in a blanket and having a good wailing cry. On other days you may feel like calling a friend or walking in nature. You may feel a strong desire to read more about the spiritual world or learn to communicate with spirit. This won’t resolve your grief immediately, but little by little it does open you to love. The more you allow yourself these kind moments, the more you will begin to feel your loved one who exists in the blissful dimensions of heaven.
Progress, not perfection.
3. Let yourself feel good
Start to notice all the things you think you have to do before you’re allowed to feel good. When I started to look at this unspoken list, it was shocking how many useless rules were on it!
I had to finish my dinner before eating dessert. I had to get 8 hours of sleep every night, or I was supposed to feel bad. I had to be all things to all people and satisfy all needs, or I had to beat myself up with the guilt stick before I could feel good. Seriously! I would not have admitted most of these things to myself, but they were the programs that corralled my joy.
We have all learned conditions in which we are “allowed” to feel good and those in which we are not. We’re not supposed to feel good when the world is reeling. We’re not supposed to feel good if someone is nasty or we have a bill we can’t pay. We’re not supposed to feel good if someone is upset with us. The list goes on! This is all spiritual hogwash! The more we allow the love to flow to us, the better we feel and the more empowered we are to assist in these situations and to be a force of love, light, and truth.
Love allows and encourages us to feel good when and how we can.
The innocent ones on this earth know this. Kids, by their very nature, seek what feels like love. Animals do too.
My dog would never give up on her constant desire for love and attention when she was on earth. If I had 30 people at a party, she would go to each one, one at a time. Wag. Wag. Lick. Lick. If the person didn’t immediately lavish love upon her, she’d go to the next! This behavior continued until she got what she wanted – praise, belly rubs, treats, and more. She could have cared less who was happy and who was not. She knew she deserved love. Of course, her happy quest made us all happier!
Likewise, my other dog, at the time, didn’t indulge in a single moment of pinching himself off from love with guilt when he swiped the newly barbecued chicken off the kitchen table and gobbled it up. Exile to the backyard for hours didn’t rob him of his joy. It was time to celebrate the victory!
We can learn from the innocent. Allow yourself to feel good as often as possible and try to notice where you are letting old “rules” about when you should and shouldn’t feel good limit your joy. You deserve to feel good.
We are all learning a new way of being that is very different from what most of us were taught. We are learning to value our feelings as guidance rather than judging them as good or bad. True story – they feel good or bad, but that is valuable information.
We are not robots destined to do only what we are trained to do and repeat only what we can permutate from our exposure to life. We are extensions of the love that sources all of creation, living in physical form, having our desires, and creating new expression of love.
We deserve to feel good. By our very human design, we were given our feelings as indicators so we’d know when we’re letting love in or resisting it. Try your best to keep releasing that resistance and unleash the flow in your life. Even a little bit of opening to love can go a very long way in receiving help, assistance, and joy.
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