Every day, I hear souls in heaven tell me what they were here to learn and how they succeeded (or not, in some cases!). They talk about what they planned, what they experienced, and how even their “horrible ex’s” were their greatest teachers. They talk about their parents and what they wanted to learn. It is quite amazing to hear.

I’ll never forget a woman in spirit who came through years ago and told me about her plans for her next life. She had been extremely focused on money this life, to the point where she often treated the people in her life in unkind and abusive ways. The dollars had mattered more than her relationships, even with family. She was disappointed that she didn’t learn her lesson about putting people first and had already created a plan to learn this in her next life.

She told me she was going to be born to an extremely impoverished, but loving family in a third world country. Due to the tendencies she had in human form she was likely to disdain and shun them and to move away to a bigger city, get an education and strive to become rich again. She knew her human tendency was to do so. She told me she planned to meet and marry a soul she loved, who had similar lessons. They would help each other grow. He would be rich but abusive. She would leave him and go back to her family, thus recognizing real love. He would learn, through losing her, that his money meant nothing without love. It was incredible to hear her plan here next life and lessons so intricately!

Just because people are in tough situations does not mean they’re punishing themselves for other lives. They may want the experience to engender compassion, to help another soul, to learn compassion for people they didn’t previously understand – you name it! It is certainly not our place to judge another. I would prefer to look at my own life and see the blessings that come from even the tough stuff.

For example, the recent tooth/gum/jaw infection dredged up every past life fear I had of rotting to death alone and in pain. It was not fun! Nonetheless, the adventure was packed with growth and blessings, and I received so much help along the way.

I did past life regressions on myself and faced the fears. I became a walking encyclopedia on alternative dental health. I changed my schedule and habits to have a lot more time in silent meditation. I started doing PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field) treatments regularly and feel amazing health and vibrancy now. The infection is gone and rather than saying “I’m none the worse for the wear,” I can honestly say it was a huge, albeit unpleasant, blessing in my life! I learned to love and care for myself even more!

Wouldn’t you know it, while going through this exercise, I finally found time to read two awesome books on how souls plan their lessons and adjust dynamically! The books contain case studies of courageous souls who planned various challenges in their lives to grow. Why would souls accept blindness, or plan deafness, etc.? Why would they suffer abuse? The case studies and the mediums that channel their pre-birth sessions are eye-opening and very much like what I hear in my office. If you’re interested the books are by Robert Schwartz. “Your Soul’s Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born” and “Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing power of the life you’ve planned before you were born

Everything and everyone we experience truly does have value. So, when you catch yourself saying, “Why, God Why?” take a breath, be present, and ask your own soul, “What am I learning? How am I growing? How can I love myself through this?” The answers will be right there for you.


Here are some pointers to growing and learning through the tough stuff:

1. Assume the experience has value to your soul

Just knowing that what you are going through has purpose makes it easier. Many of us took tough classes in school, especially in college. We signed up for them because they served a purpose. They helped us get our major. They were things we knew we’d need or want to learn. They weren’t easy. They weren’t always fun. But we grew. We learned.

That is all our trials really are – tough classes. When you know that, you know they begin, end, and serve a purpose, and that the sooner you embrace the growth, the quicker they will move along in life.

2. Ask yourself the honest questions

Ask yourself, “What can I learn? How can I grow? How can I love myself through this?”

With the nasty infection I got answers quickly… I could learn to face fears. I could learn to stay present. I could learn to focus more strongly on what I wanted rather than what I didn’t. I could grow in self-love by relentlessly focusing on my true desire to heal naturally, and to take more down time, less time on emails, etc. I could love myself through it by doing these things, meditating more, watching inspiring videos, and being gentle with my body as it healed. As a result of embracing the growth, I am completely healed!

As we embrace the growth, things shift. You really will know the answers to these questions. Trust yourself.

3. Maintain the higher space after the “class is over”

If a challenge propels you into a deeper relationship with God or others, maintain that afterwards so you don’t need the challenge again. If you form new good habits, maintain them. If you become more loving, more trusting, more compassionate, hang on to that. If we truly learn and carry the growth forward we no longer need the tough classes.


It isn’t easy being human! This is one tough school at times. Yet the beauty and reward or learning to love in the space/time where the illusions of separation are deepest is a challenge and a strength we are seeking here.

You are strong. You are wise. You are connected… even in the tough times that will keep you going, knowing that you will graduate from the lessons you planned, if you’re willing, stronger, wiser, and more enlightened than when you began.

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