The angels once told me, “Ann we had a hard time helping you make the decision to come to earth. You wanted to, but you were concerned that earth was too an angry place for an enlightened soul.” I knew I had come to share light many times, and many times I’ve been brutally killed for it. I wondered to myself, “How could I be so enlightened if I feared anger? “Exactly,” they said!
I didn’t realize during all those lives that I was one willing martyr, who was punishing myself for perceived imperfections and failures in lives more distant past.
So, I entered the world with a fiery personality and embraced anger firsthand – within myself! I witnessed anger and frustration in the family. Both parents worked hard to give the family all they could, but you can imagine that back when women weren’t supposed to work, it wasn’t an easy thing to juggle a two career family. It still isn’t! Back then however, in addition to the stresses, there were very few support systems. My parents had short tempers that sometimes exploded at mouthy, overactive kids such as myself.
When I was young I cried. As I approached the teen years, I didn’t take it so well. I got pissed off. I ran up to my room after some such episodes and beat my own arm with a hairbrush just to take out the energy of anger I felt at bearing witness to such unnecessary tension. Nowadays kids cut themselves. I’m glad I didn’t know that back then. There were times I was so upset at the upsets, because I was so sensitive, that I wanted to die.
Looking back, I understand the reactions of all involved. Now we have beautiful relationships with one another. We’ve all grown. But that childhood anger stayed within me for quite some time. I easily became angry at myself when I didn’t meet my own irrational standards of “perfection” in my early adulthood.
While some would blame my upbringing, I learned later that I carried within my soul that desire to be nothing less than what I knew I really was, and an accompanying sense of frustration when I wasn’t. My parents had simply triggered the sensation I carried in my spirit – one of “not being good enough” and I had signed up for them to do so, so I could see it, feel it, and heal it this lifetime, once and for all.
After my marriage and divorce, which were, thank God, both very kind, I became ax-murder mad when I found out a boyfriend was lying and cheating. The angels once again, lovingly pointed out that I was really angry at myself for ignoring my own intuition. That was a hard one to embrace… but it was true.
Slowly but surely, over the years, I saw that all anger at others was first and foremost anger at myself for not loving myself, trusting myself, and taking care of myself. All my self-punishment was based on the erroneous notion that I could fail to be anything less than the light that IAM, that we all are. It was born of the illusions of separation from Source.
I look back and cannot believe I was that person. Any anger now is short, catalytic, and guides me to change. I can’t hate even those who have hated or hurt me – not even the ones who have wished me dead. As I cleared the pains of the past, and learned to love myself in the present, little by little, the anger towards self, and therefore others, simply disappeared.
I still see behaviors in this world that sadden me. I have deep compassion for the souls who are on the receiving end of the world’s wounded souls. I have also compassion for those who are so wounded they feel it ok to hurt others.
I live in a different reality now – a more peaceful, accepting, and allowing one than ever before. While there may always be occasional bursts of righteous anger, it is now a teacher of self-love, rather than tool for defending my own weaknesses. Self-punishment has long since been replaced by self-love.
Here are some pointers to stop self-punishment and replace it with self-love…
1. Change self-criticism to self-love
Every time you catch yourself saying something negative about you, change it. Say at least three positive things about yourself. Train yourself to look often and acknowledge what is good, beautiful, and true within yourself, rather than habitually looking for what is wrong. At the end of the day acknowledge yourself for what you have done right and what you have learned.
2. Use anger as a teacher, not a tool
Anger, in its pure form is an energy that catalyzes us to change. It is in its essence, neither positive nor negative. It is just a force. It says, “Do something differently! Think differently! Change!”
When you are angry ask, “What do I have to change inside of myself to find peace in this situation?”
You may have to speak up with love to someone who is behaving in hurtful ways, “I love you but I next time you yell at me, I will leave the room. I love you but if you continue to criticize me, I will leave this relationship.” Choice, consequence… with love – first for self and then for the other.
You may have to change an attitude. I used to get really mad at dangerous drivers in traffic. The angels pointed out that my anger was born out of a fear that they could hurt me. They reminded me kindly that there are no victims, and that if I intended to have a safe drive and believed in God’s grace to help me do so I need not fear, nor be angry at bad drivers! They suggested I send them love and pray for the protection of all on the road instead. That feels much better.
You may have to get help changing your reaction patterns. Sometimes anger is triggered in irrational ways and we know it, but we can’t easily shift on our own. That is why there is therapy, EFT, EMDR, hypnosis, the work of Dr. Joe DIspenza, and thousands of other techniques available for helping us change our reactionary brain patterns.
3. Pray, both for the hurting and those who hurt others
It is easy to pray for the more obviously hurting souls in this world. It is far more challenging for most to pray for those who hurt others. Nonetheless, they are the most in need. You don’t have to wish them well, but you can pray:
“Let the light of love rise up within them. Elevate their spirit above this pain and darkness. Let them become conscious of their wounds so they can stop hurting others and stop hurting their own spirit too!” Imagine a tiny spark of light glowing within them until it fills them.
I have done this many times for angry, wounded souls and the transformation is remarkable. Either they step into greater light or stop bringing their darkness into your life. Years ago, for example, friends had an abusive felon move next door to their new home. You can imagine their dismay. They couldn’t change this guy, even with kindness. He was drunk and came over spewing garbage with nearly every word. So, we prayed. We bound him in light, surrounded him with light and prayed for God to elevate his soul and drive out his darkness. In his case, he wanted to keep his darkness, so the light drove him out of their lives. He foreclosed on his home and moved out within four months.
Light is always the answer. Love is the answer, even when shared with firm boundaries. Learning loving consequences is a much higher alternative than hateful punishment, for both self and others.
In a world that craves its witch hunts, crucifixions, and punishments, let us be the tiny sparks of love that fan the flames of a better world, starting with a commitment to stop punishing ourselves, and to simply, lovingly, learn from our own choices.
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