Patience when you’re not perfect

Learning to be patient was hard enough. Learning to be patient with myself was not a skill I easily mastered. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve caught myself saying, “For God’s sake Ann! You’re a spiritual teacher! You should know better! You should do better…” I had to learn to lighten up about the infamous and seemingly infinite “shoulding” on myself! Luckily that is (mostly!) a thing of the past. I’ve learned to accept myself as is, in a given moment, even as I continue to grow into greater awareness.

If I get frustrated, the angels taught me to give myself love. If I’m sad, they taught me to comfort myself. I’m angry, they taught me to soothe and calm myself into a more peaceful space. It isn’t always easy. It is often humorous. I can vouch for the fact that this loving acceptance really works. You can shift out of a difficult space far more easily with love and acceptance, than by making yourself wrong. Have you ever told an upset child to settle down? They cry louder! So do the upset children within us.

I caught myself the other day wanting to angrily respond to some unthinkably abusive diatribes on a community app. Several people had posted ideas trying to help one another and those in disagreement had felt the need to respond with horrifically unkind, scathing, sarcastic remarks. It was unthinkable! It angered me to see people beating each other up instead of building one another up, especially in these difficult times.

I caught myself wanting to educate these angry folks on a higher mode of behavior… until I remembered that it wasn’t my job to teach people who hadn’t asked for an education. My job was to love myself through my own upset, and to listen to my guidance. I hugged myself, reassured the inner committee that it was perfectly OK to not like this behavior then asked for guidance. The guidance was to simply withdraw. I turned off notifications and stopped visiting the app. I felt peace. I was able to peacefully and sincerely pray for the unkind.

When we grant ourselves patience and tolerance, we quickly move beyond the reaction and into a place of greater peace. We give ourselves what others didn’t. We love what wasn’t loved inside of us. We become the parents to our own inner children and we soothe the hurts inside of us. In so doing we become incredibly compassionate and far more tolerant toward others. We hear our own guidance. My upset, the angels say, is my issue – no one else’s fault, no matter who triggers it. Believe it or not, this is an incredibly empowering way to live. It gets you out of drama and into clarity.

In these challenging times when many are writing me to say they feel the “shadow” side coming up and out, try to practice even greater patience and tolerance… starting with yourself first.

Here are some pointers to help…

1. Choose to be loving to yourself no matter what

When you are happy with yourself it is easy to be kind to yourself. When you find yourself in the throes of so-called negative emotions, it becomes more difficult. Most of us weren’t trained to love ourselves when we’re sad, upset, or generally not at our best.

It is doable, however. It just takes a choice. Embrace yourself. Talk to yourself as if you are talking to a child. “It’s ok honey. I understand why you are angry, fearful, or sad.” Soothe yourself. Give your little inner children reassurance that you love them even when they’re not so perfect.

2. Take good care of yourself

It is much easier to be patient and tolerant with yourself (and others) if you take good care of yourself – eating food that nourishes you, getting rest, putting good things into your mind, body, and spirit. When you are deprived of basic self-care, it is far more difficult to be kind to yourself let alone anyone else. Your inner kids are screaming out for kindness and nurturing. When you do take care of your basic human needs, you will find it much easier to feel gracious and loving.

3. Lighten up

When all else fails, try to look at yourself as if you are a character in a comedy. When we can actually step back and watch ourselves from this perspective, we can’t take our own moods so seriously. We can lighten up and laugh at ourselves, not making light of our feelings, but rather making light of how serious and large the relatively little upsets can become. In this mode, we can more easily be kind to ourselves.

It is a tense time on earth. Tempers are flaring, but thankfully so are the hearts of the many expanding into grace and greater goodness. Be kind to yourself even when you don’t feel so perfect.

Divine love starts with self-love, because ultimately, the Self that lives within you is Divine.