I feel as if my entire life has been a journey of learning how to love. It is funny because I would have sworn when I was younger that I was quite good at it… until someone upset me or “made me” feel badly about myself! Back then, I had a tendency to spiral into anger and blame. It was “their fault” that I wasn’t feeling loving about them. It was “their fault” that I felt bad about myself.
The angels, very lovingly, would hear none of my excuses.
“Love is yours at all times, Ann,” they told me. “Feeling it is an inside job. It isn’t dependent upon how anyone else acts. You don’t have to like a person to love them. You don’t have to have approval or even kindness from the world to love yourself. You’ll learn.” Being the young hot-head I was at the time, I was convinced they didn’t understand what is was like to be human!
Looking back, I find it amusing that I insisted on my right to feel unloved and unloving. How dearly we argue for own pain at times! I did. I know most of us do. And yet, how much more joyous it is to break free of our biological addictions to such pain and to find and feel the love inside.
It is an addiction to feel anger, worry, upset, or fear. We don’t usually think of it that way, but try not to feel any of those things when you do and suddenly you realize your conscious mind is not in charge! You can’t seem to get a handle on your own thoughts, even if you try.
To this day I still find those “rogue apps” in my mind that seem to obsess over an insensitivity or injustice aimed my way. Now I know how to “disable them!” I pray. I choose love. It simply no longer feels so good to feel bad! I’d rather be loving than “right.” I’d rather focus on feeling loved by most of creation, than on those incapable of loving my light. It simply feels better.
So how do we love ourselves and love others in a world that is often unloving… and with brains that are a bit wired and addicted to drama and patterns less than loving?
The short answer is that we train our brains to focus on the love that is in our lives, in small ways first, and then in ever increasing ways.
I’ll share a few tips and personal stories below…
Here are some pointers this week to help you keep love in circulation
1. When Someone has been Unloving, Be Kind First to Yourself
It is far too easy to forget we are worthy of love when someone treats us unkindly. We hurt, get angry or defensive, but what we really want is to feel loved again. We can only give this to ourselves at the time. It is important to do so.
At the slightest hint of unkindness, I try to lovingly remedy the situation by talking to the person who is being unkind. If they are incapable of being kind in that moment, I withdraw my energy (and myself) from the situation, as soon as I can. Most often, these days I don’t let the behavior of others get to me. When I do, I “nurse my wounds” with some self-loving behavior!
For example, years ago when a boyfriend cheated on me then dumped me (the angels did recommended I not date him!), I went to the local beauty store and told the girls there I needed love. These kind strangers pampered, nurtured me, gave me a free makeover, and more so, support from the universal sisterhood. They reminded me I was worthy of love.
Be kind to yourself, especially when the world isn’t. If you don’t block off self love, you will quickly be guided back into a more loving reality.
2. Don’t withhold Love, Even if You Don’t Like a Person
There are a lot of people in this world that you won’t resonate with, and therefore may not like. We were never meant to be all the same, nor were we all meant to agree. What is right for one, is not necessarily the right path for another. Although there are some fundamental standards of decent human conduct, not everyone is evolved enough to achieve them.
It is human tendency to withhold love when we don’t like someone. Love is misunderstood. Love is thought to be a warm fuzzy feeling. That is human love. That is the feeling that comes from liking someone or liking how you feel when you’re with them.
Divine love is different. Divine love acknowledges the light within. So when you don’t like someone, it is important to tell yourself. “They too are on this earth, on a journey back to love. They are doing the best they can… even if it is terrible behavior. I will not hate them. I will acknowledge the light within. If I can I’ll pray for their upliftment. If I can’t I’ll withdraw my attention and wish them good growth.”
When a powerful, but jealous and angry person sent me psychic attacks for two years, I struggled to find the love for their soul. I prayed and prayed to see them through God’s eyes. When I finally was sincere enough,I I learned of their horrific childhood abuse. That didn’t mean I wanted more attacks or even anything to do with that person. It just meant that I was able to see them with compassion, and let go of my anger and pain. After all, I wouldn’t want to hurt a hurting person by attacking them further, even with my angry energy. It would be like beating an already wounded child.
When someone angers you pray like crazy to see them through God’s eyes, to see their innocence, and to see how they too are simply trying to grow.
Take care of yourself and your own well being, by all means, but really strive to change every unloving thought to a prayer for your own joy, and for them to be healed.
3. Choose Love Over and Over
It takes awhile to re-wire the brain and change old addictive habits. The brain gets hooked on emotional dramas that create chemical cocktails in the body, that stimulate the adrenals. It is a similar high that we get from adventures, sex, or any other peak experience. It can take a lot of work to “kick the habit!”
So be gentle with yourself first. Don’t criticize or judge yourself when you feel unloving. Instead love yourself. You’re heard it many times – I journal, release the feelings that I can’t seem to shake, then get back to the love.
I remind myself over and over… I choose love. I choose to love myself and be kind to myself first. From that standpoint, loving others becomes easier.
Keeping love in circulation is the greatest bliss and freedom you will find this lifetime. I have learned to love those who cheat, those who can’t or don’t love back, even those who are in denial of their own feelings and motivations. I don’t like them all, and perhaps never will, but we all can learn to honor the light within – first for ourselves, and then in every other soul on the planet.
As the angels like to say, so truthfully, “Loving just feels better.”