As I look back at my life I can see that the light of the Divine was operating to help me even when I was dancing with those who most tormented me. The sociopaths I dated when I was learning not to be a martyr didn’t really care about me, but the light within us did. Although they weren’t ready to change yet, the light was pushing me away from them, away from behaviors that didn’t work, and towards myself.
The person who wanted me dead didn’t care about my life, but the light within both of us wanted me to know itself as the ultimate power and protection.
The people who gossiped about me and betrayed my confidence didn’t care about my feelings or discovering the truth, but the the light within all of us was working diligently to help them learn from their own reality and at the same time to show me that it didn’t coincide with mine.
Over the years the angels helped me shift from being a self-righteous, angry soul when treated unkindly – a woman whose moods were at the mercy of others – to one who can see, and love the light trying to emerge within all interactions.
Here are some pointers that have helped me find this peace throughout the years…
1. Respect the light within yourself
If someone’s behaviors don’t feel right to you, they aren’t right for you.
This doesn’t mean we have to judge, condemn, or even criticize another. It simply means we have to have the courage and self-respect to either walk away from behaviors that don’t work for us, or set healthy boundaries – “This doesn’t work for me. Next time you <name the behavior>, I will <what you will do>.”
Agreement or understanding is not necessary. What is necessary is that you discern what behaviors belong in your life and which ones don’t, and be clear with yourself about how to handle them.
For example, I once had to tell someone I cared about deeply, “If you continue to judge me, I’ll withdraw from your life. You have a right to feel any way you wish and I want to be around people who accept me, even if they don’t agree with me.” Happily that relationship continued. Others have not.
If we don’t love and respect the light within us, we cannot love and respect the light within others. If we grant ourselves the right to live and be treated as we wish, then we more easily grant others the same.
2. Respect the light within others, but don’t dignify the darkness
Acknowledge that the Presence of the Divine lives within even the most bothersome souls, but give yourself permission to dis-engage from angry, fearful, or unpleasant interactions.
Walk away from behaviors that don’t work for you. Remain silent in unkind conversations. Look behind or beyond hurtful behaviors to see the pain that drives them. I pray often to see through the eyes of God.
It is never our job to “teach” another who hasn’t asked to be taught. However if you want to teach someone to act with more kindness, you can start by choosing not to respond to anything less. If you want to teach a person not to dump their anger on you, walk away silently each time they do. If you want to teach a person to get help, withdraw from them with a loving explanation that it hurts you to watch them hurt themselves.
The angles say we can can more easily pray for and love the light within another, when we stop allowing ourselves to be targets of their pain.
3. When you find yourself judging or hating another, remind yourself that you love them so much you really want them to behave in more evolved ways.
This is a hard one to accept and it took me years to really grasp what the angels were trying to say. How could I love people who hurt others, who made horrible decisions that affected millions, who hurt me? I didn’t get it. Wasn’t it natural to be angry at those <fill in the blank>? How could I love someone who lied to me, cheated on me… The list went on!
“You love them,” the angels persisted, “or you wouldn’t care. The light in you loves the light in them and your personality desperately wants that light to surface.”
“You want them to understand you. To understand a better and kinder way to live. To be more honest, more loving, more understanding. You are frustrated and angry because you don’t know a way to draw forth their light. Your soul sees their potential and you are very upset because you can’t find a way to reach that light and draw it forth. You are angry at your own perceived inadequacy, your inability to reach them.”
Oh how I argued with the angels on that one… “I don’t like the way they treated me! I don’t like the way they treat others!”
“Of course you don’t,” the angels responded. “Walk away. Life will teach them. Let it go.”
“I want completion,” I’d argue.
“What does that mean to you,” the angels asked.
“I want them to GET IT,” I’d respond. I want them to see how they hurt me, how they hurt others!”
“Why?” the angels asked. “Why don’t you care more about your own happiness instead?”
That one got me. “I want them to know better. I want them to never hurt anyone or ME like this again!”
“So you want to draw forth the light within them?” the angels persisted.
“Yes!” I admitted, finally understanding that part. “But not for them! For me!”
“Why don’t you walk away instead and just pursue your own happiness?” the angels asked again.
“Because I love them and I want them to love me. I want to part with peace and understanding!” Ooh! I saw that the angels were right as usual. I was angry because I couldn’t find a way to create a more loving interaction. I couldn’t change them. I was angry with my own “perceived inadequacy,” as they said.
“Dear one, they dont want to be reached yet. They don’t want to change yet. It is not under your control to change them. You are simply having a tantrum because you can’t. Walk away.”
That understanding changed my life. I don’t have to get upset at unkind behaviors any more. I don’t have to try to make anyone “get it” unless they want to. I don’t have to waste my precious time and energy being unhappy about the choices others make. I can live and let live, set healthy boundaries, and walk towards my joy.
This came in handy recently when I was able to walk away from some people who hadn’t been kind, with only love and compassion for the pain that drove their behaviors, and not a trace of upset. Even though I wasn’t treated very kindly, I felt the blissful freedom of being able to love… no matter what!
So next time you get upset at someone remind yourself that, of course you want to see more loving behaviors from them! However, you can’t fix or change someone who doesn’t want it. Give that fact, you have a choice… Remain frustrated that you can’t, or accept it and move towards your joy 🙂 Option B is definitely the happier one!
Then and only then can we find and feel the light inside of us that can acknowledge the light inside of them.
I hope this helps you when you run up against the frustrating souls who, deep down are still embodiements of divine love, trying, no matter how awkwardly or unevolved, to move towards a greater understanding of their light.