When I was younger I couldn’t cry. I felt like I had to be strong and ‘up’ all the time. Then as I started to grow spiritually the floodgates opened up. To allow yourself feeling without judging yourself is a real trick. Now if I’m exhausted I have a quick but wonderful wallow and then go comfort myself. If I’m upset I have a private hissy fit and get it over with, and if I feel love and gratitude I don’t hold back on expressing those either. Whatever is inside of me now must flow. It sure makes life easier. I have access to more energy. It takes a tremendous force to damn up a river. It takes just about as much energy to pretend we do not feel what we already do feel, deep down inside of ourselves.
Before the volcano in Iceland blew I had such pressure in my body I felt like my brain was going to explode. I kept breathing, relaxing, releasing, and then had to do it again. I kept imagining my energy dropping into my heart, where there is always flow. And then I had to do that again. Although I knew I was resonating with earth, I also knew that if I wasn’t holding back some feeling, I wouldn’t feel any pressure. And so I dove inside.
After coaching a friend about allowing ourselves to receive more from the universe, I took a good hard look at myself and my own beliefs. I realized I do not always receive when I want to because I don’t want to ‘bother’ people. Hogwash, the angels say. You like to help. Get over it and let others help you! And so I had a good cry for all the years I felt I had to be so strong while friends were waiting in the wings to assist, and got over it.
I called a friend who came over and helped with some heavy tasks. I called a wonderful person to do some very much needed home repairs, and I “bothered” another friend for thoughts on a decision I was making. These requests may sounds so silly and simple, but within a week everything started becoming easier. A task that would have hurt my body and taken an hour took five minutes with help. The home repairs are coming along beautifully while I have opportunity to channel the newsletter. A dear client sent goodies in the mail, some of which I really needed but hadn’t had the opportunity to go and buy. And although I still have challenges in life (who doesn’t!), everything is getting easier. All I had to do was go inside and admit to myself what I wanted, and then act accordingly. That last part is key… after you admit what you want, you have to start behaving in a consistent fashion.
When we stuff our stuff, life mirrors it to us in wild ways. If we are exhausted and don’t admit, life will push us deeper into exhaustion until we do. If we are sad and don’t admit it to ourselves, we just get more despondent. If we are upset and don’t admit it, the upset festers instead of just moving through us and creating new resolve to create. When you acknowledge a feeling inside of you, you are just saying, “Ok I see you, you deserve love too but let’s get on with life.” When you deny a feeling you are saying, “That part of me is unlovable.” And when you think something in you is unlovable, life will work on you until you can love that too.
So love everything inside of yourself – every last bit of it. Admit things to yourself, and then ask for help from the heavens with the hard stuff in life. God I’m sad, comfort me. God I’m upset. I want better treatment. God I’m tired, bring real help my way and shift me so I can accept it. The list of prayers goes on, but these are the ones that receive so much love. Would you deny a crying child a little hug, or an upset baby attention? God and the angels won’t deny us this love either. Our task is to know that, love ourselves no matter what, and believe God cares enough to help.