I’ve seen a lot of people purging the past lately. It comes in waves of emails, and streams of people in my office who struggle to resolve their desire to be loving while not feeling so loving at times. I understand! I’ve been there so many times.
I should have known something was bubbling up in my own soul when, two weeks ago, I came unglued over a quote in an article. in which the author bashed one of my favorite Disney movie! The reaction was completely disproportionate.
I hugged myself, told my inner child that some people were mean because they didn’t have the confidence to own their own opinions without belittling others, and immediately calmed down. I thought I was done. It ends up I was only skimming the surface of something much deeper.
I was in bliss last weekend as I drove up to Sedona to see my friend Summer Bacon channel. The sunrise was glorious. The drive was beautiful. My favorite songs were on the radio. I felt in love with everyone on the road. I arrived early, hugged all my friends, and sat down feeling heaven all around me. I didn’t even have a question. I simply intended that if there was any pain or trauma stuck in my body from the past, that it be healed. As the saying goes… Be careful of what you ask for!
About halfway through the session, as one women went to the front to heal a relationship with her friend, tears started to emerge from my depths. I noticed a man I had dated nearly two decades ago in the audience with his wife. My body froze. Something in me cried in fear.
I was surprised by my own reaction. The relationship had been extremely painful, but we’ve long since grown. We’ve talked, forgiven, and acknowledged the love we felt for each other’s souls. As I contemplated the emerging pain and fear, I knew it was time to release the remaining energy of this relationship from my body. Before I dated him, I had been an extremely physically healthy. After the relationship, I spent nearly two decades in and out of pain, triggered very easily by unkindness and fear. I wasn’t blaming him. I just knew it was time to heal at the roots.
As I sat there debating about whether or not this was necessary in public, I telepathically told the angels, “If this will help free me, him, and everyone else in the room, pick my name.” Of course, my name was the next one drawn out of the basket!
I didn’t care how many eyes were upon me. I went to the front of the room, still quivering and crying. “How are you,” the angel that comes through my friend asked. “I was feeling fantastic and happy, but a previous discussion really touched me and it brought up something I would like to heal.” I invited the former boyfriend to the front too. He stood there. I was shaking inside. “We were in relationship together. We’ve worked a lot. We grew… I am still harboring some pain in my soul over this and I would like to release it. Would you help? I’ve totally forgiven. He has too. Anything else that needs to be done, because my body still hurts.” I had no idea why I was crying.
The angels answered, ” Well my dear.. Can you… Will you… How about that final hug?” My soul screamed yes! Some hurting part of me wanted to bolt for the door!! It never wanted that man to touch me again. I knew better. I surrendered to love. I let him hug me.
I burst into tears. His wife hugged me too, knowing how this would help him as well. The child within me had needed to feel that he would never hurt me again. The child within him needed me to acknowledge the innocence deep within. People in the audience were in tears. The whole room was moved.
I sobbed and shook for a few more days, hugging the child within me that finally felt safe enough to spew outrage at how I had allowed myself to be treated in the past. I apologized to that part of my soul. I zipped through past lifetimes, digging to the very core of this relationship – forgiving him, forgiving myself – until it was truly, deeply healed.
We all have those parts of us that live within the “shell” of our rational self. They are the parts that didn’t get heard, weren’t allowed to feel, felt unloved, or disconnected in some way. They occasionally erupt, seemingly unbidden when something pushes a “hot button.” They need love to heal.
Here are a few pointers this week to help you soothe yourself when you fall into a negative emotion that you just can’t shake. The funny part is that I wrote this section two weeks ago before the entire story above unfolded…
1. Give Yourself a Loving Hug
If you’ve tried to switch to a more positive feeling and you authentically cannot do so, then just accept yourself. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m scared… whatever it is. “Then,” the angels say, “wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug.”
That sounded silly… until I read the research on the healing powers of touch. According to studies conducted by the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami/Miller School of Medicine, touch can reduce aggression and lower pain. According to research from the University of Vienna a hug from someone you like, helps us release oxytocin which is known to reduce blood pressure and lower stress.
Sadly we live in a society that is largely touch deprived. The good news is that hugging yourself counts! An article in Psychology today in May, 2011 talked about a study that showed that hugging oneself reduced pain.
So when you aren’t feeling wonderful, wrap those arms around yourself, and sit there in a loving embrace.
Alternately, get a stuffed animal and hug it, pretending it is the upset part of you.
2. Talk to the upset part of yourself as if it is a separate, innocent child
You would speak kindly and compassionately to a sad or upset child. Grant yourself this same courtesy.
“It’s OK honey. You have a right to be angry. I’ll hold you when you’re sad. That person wasn’t very nice, but they don’t know better. We’ll figure out how to change this… ”
Ask yourself, “If a sweet, innocent, little child felt this way, what would I say?”
3. After you take yourself seriously, don’t take yourself seriously…
That sounded odd when the angels said it! What they mean, is treat yourself as you would a little sweet child, and then have a good laugh.
If you’ve ever seen, or been, one of those parents that knows how to calm and soothe an upset little child, you know that after the upset passes, parent and child usually share a little laugh, an ice cream cone, or some little special joy to make the upset fade quickly into the past.
Treat yourself to some kindness after the upset passes, to remind yourself that life has many joys.
Once again, as the angels said a few weeks ago, you’ll be able to “grab the remote” and switch your thoughts to joy.
We’re all human. We all have our less than proud moments. We all feel negativity at times. Sometimes we can easily and authentically switch our focus. Other times we can’t. I hope this week’s message helps you out when you feel a little stuck. We’ve all been there!