I used to be a people pleaser who always believed I had to earn love. I’d bend over backwards, spend loads of money, and do whatever it took to make The angels have often reminded me that my way of looking at a situation defines my experience. When I choose a loving and grateful way of looking at life, I feel wonderful. When I don’t, its like a thick cloud blinds me to the truth of God’s love. Every now and then I forget everything I know and feel sorry for myself.
I fell into that last week. I volunteered to help a friend get his website started. He graciously paid me for my work, but I got into ‘poor me’ mode about the fact that *I* decided to stay up late working on it to help him get it going. He did have a deadline, but I knew he didn’t expect me to kill myself to do it. Nonetheless, some old disfunctional pattern kicked in and there I was being unhealthy to help a loved one stay on track. I knew better and did it anyway. God knows what short-circuits in my brain sometimes, but no matter how practiced I am at balance, I can at times fall into insanity. Given my job, it got even more crazy. It always seems that there are forces in the universe trying to throw me off track since I stand in public preaching about God’s love.
If I get off balance, and forget to set the rules about who and what is allowed near me in my sleep, I can wake up feeling pretty thrashed. I woke up feeling a real mess last Sunday. What started out as exhaustion, quickly spiralled downhill into feeilng like I existed to serve others and would never have my own dreams come true. Rubbish! Total and complete rubbish! That train of thought lasted all of fifteen minutes before I remembered everything I know once again.
When I saw what I was allowing my mind to do, I sat myself down and immediately began to pray. “God, angels, I’ve lost my brain. Restore me to truth. Suck out this negativity, and please, while you are at it, I need some energy. Make me fall asleep at a reasonable time and crave food that is good for me. Thank you.” And then I sat until the familiar loving vibration came in and held me in its arms. I should say ‘their arms’ but sometimes the love is so strong it can only be the God-vibration that surrounds me. The vibration of Divine love flowed through me and washed away all my cares and concerns. All I had to do was to remember God’s love and ask for it, then sit and receive it like an innocent child waiting for a hug.
God does love us. Most of the time we know that, but at times, we ALL forget. And in those times, its important not to try to get ourselves out of the mess, but rather to sit and pray. Pray for your internal conditions to change rather than praying for the outside world to change. I could have prayed for appreciation, someone to pick up the phone and call me, etc. but what I really needed was a quick change of attitude. Guess what… when the internal conditions change, all of life responds on the outside and all of the sudden life turns around on a dime! Your life starts anew with every single breath. With a sudden change of attitude, come sudden changes in life as well. .
You are never alone. You are never without help. And you are never really stuck in darkness. Its just a little cloud waiting to be burnt away by the light 🙂
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