Earlier this year I a feeling I’ve never felt before. It lasted for only a few days but it was the most puzzling sensation, because I didn’t even know what it was! I saw someone whom I’ll never even meet, who was graceful, beautiful, and very feminine, and instead of being overjoyed as usual, I started feeling cranky and having thoughts that weren’t so sweet. I finally asked the angels, “What on earth is going on with me.” “You’re jealous,” they answered honestly. Oh my God! I was appalled. Jealousy?
I’ve accepted my anger, my sadness, my despair at times, my anxiousness when it used to get me, but jealousy? I had always prided myself on never being a jealous person! I almost always love myself, my life, and my choices. I am almost always happy for other’s success. However, since the feeling was there, I knew it had something to teach me.
I did what the angels have always told me to do. I sat down, went within myself, and said, “OK jealousy, what are you trying to tell me? I’m listening.” The answers came quickly. “I want to be more feminine. I want to be pampered. I like being strong, but every now and then I want to be softer.”
“Well that was easy,” I thought to myself. It was as simple as owning the fact that I saw someone else embracing an energy that I had neglected to acknowledge within myself. It was true! I was missing the softer side of my being. I’ve been chopping up trees, lifting heavy stuff, climbing ladders, and crawling around my attic in my spare time. After work I’ve been at the computer working on my website. I had simply forgotten to take care of the feminine side of my being. Simple, but when we neglect something within ourselves it will reveal itself one way or another. If we ignore an aspect of our being, the truth may reveal itself in a so-called negative emotion to get our attention.
I was much gentler with myself the following week. I gave myself the kindness I had wished for. I pampered myself a little more and wore clothes that made me feel more feminine. While this might seem superficial, the angels remind me that being human is part of the experience here on earth and one I shouldn’t negate! A few days ago I stood next to a beautiful, feminine, pampered woman in line at the grocery store and we had a lovely conversation. Having taken care of my own needs, it was once again easy to celebrate the good fortune of others.
So if you feel something less than loving, first of all don’t beat yourself up! We’re already spiritual. We don’t have to try to be that. We’re already good inside. We don’t have to prove anything to God. We’re already light, even when we feel dark. Instead, just go within and ask the feeling what its trying to tell you. Embrace it. Own it! Its yours and its a gift. Although it might be triggered by someone else, it comes from your soul. Celebrate. You are being given a key that unlocks the locked doorways of the soul, and releases your light into an even greater awareness, expression, and experience of life.
Embrace everything that comes up within you. When a seed sprouts, the first thing you see is the dirt being pushed up to the surface, which inevitably makes way for new growth and new life.
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