I sat to channel the newsletter Thursday night. It was 103 degrees on the patio and the mosquitoes were buzzing around. The pre-sunset stillness hung like a thick curtain over the yard, and it seemed that even the flowers were resting after a day of unrelenting heat. A storm was brewing up north, but the sky was silvery blue overhead. I sat and paused and allowed my consciousness to spread out into the landscape. This happens frequently these days when I sit in silence. I lose track of myself as Ann and feel an energy distributed and observing itself. It feels very blissful.
I wasn’t so blissful these past few weeks when I was battling the depths of fear during the recent infection. I had fears come in waves, over and over and over again, like an unrelenting surf kicked up by an approaching storm.
I finally realized this was ridiculous. Something clicked more deeply inside of me. I am not the body. I am not the mind. I am the love that lives in all things having an experience as Ann. “I-Ann” was just a collection of light and energy patterns, flickering in the cosmic pool, and the only reason I was fearful was because my brain remembered trauma from so many other lives, and my body felt unprotected and unloved. In those lives I forgot what lived within me. As I focused on the fear, in this life, I shook. As I focused on the reality of myself as an eternal energy having an experience, peace permeated my being.
I went in and out of this state for over a month, until one day I became strong enough to have a real “come to Jesus” meeting with the fears. I looked the fears in the face and command them to leave. “I AM ONE WITH ALL THAT IS AND YOU ARE NOT REAL! GET OUT!” I commended the fearful voices. “What if you die?” they taunted me. “So be it, the body will eventually die. I will not.” I was speaking from the soul. “What if we suffer pain? What if we have to have surgery?” “The body suffers only and will get through it. It has many times. My essence feels no pain.” I felt the eternal inside of me. “What if we run out of food?” (Really?) “So be it, I live on light, not dinner in my eternal spirit.” “What if lightning hits the house?” “I will continue onward,” I replied, once again allowing Divinity to speak through the cloud of fearful voices. One by one, by one, by one, I confronted each voice of ridiculous fear from the past and answered from the perspective of the eternal. Each time I commanded them to go.
These bodies are projections of our consciousness, and our consciousness is born of the infinite. Everything in this life is a learning experience only. Our true self can never be killed, maimed, diminished, or rendered impure. Our true self cannot experience lack, loneliness, sorrow. Our true self remains connected to all that is.
I was fed up with the small self trying to dictate to the Source of life itself that it should feel fearful in this Ann-body.
Guess what? Things changed. My infection started healing much more rapidly. The pain just disappeared. The gums are regrowing. While the body is still not 100% healed just yet, the mind is. The spiritual ordeal is over at long last. I stared down the illusions that have plagued me for lifetimes, wanting to “protect me” while in truth holding me bound. Yes, we could easily be protected in a locked room, as fear would have it, but what kind of life is that?Far better to connect with the infinite and live full out, knowing that in our spirit we are indestructible.
This entire life is just an adventure in consciousness. Might as well embrace what we came to do and love it all. Might as well love ourselves relentlessly. Might as well banish fears from our consciousness so we can be free, by connecting with the truth of our being.
As I mentioned in a previous email a good friend recently died. I do not mourn him. I feel his Christ like bliss in the heavens, his heart expanded into the oneness, knowing himself as individual and part of all. I feel his exquisite tenderness, his new understanding of love, and his commitment to the light. I want that here, on this earth, in this lifetime… and little by little it is coming to pass, sometimes gracefully, sometimes not so much.
“We are here to make manifest the glory of God,” Marianne Williamson once said. I agree. After all, that is what we are.
Here are a few pointers to more deeply experience your connection with your deepest, truest, self.
1. Sit somewhere beautiful in silence
Find a spot that seems beautiful to you. It can be in your living room, in nature, or even looking at a glorious scene on the Internet, or a piece of art. The only criteria is that it has to appear beautiful to you.
Loosen your gaze. Breathe slowly and deeply. Just look. Just be. See if you can imagine your energy beyond the body, merging with this scene, this art, this room, this place. Imagine the energy in all you see merging with yours, until you are consciousness floating in a sea of light, invisible but always there.
2. Deepen your appreciation
Find something or someone you truly appreciate. See if you can think of all you appreciate about this person or thing. Allow the feelings to deepen. Feel your heart. See if you can intensify the feelings of appreciation until your heart swells. Now shut your eyes and see if you can just bask in this feeling.
3. Choose to love
Pick something or someone you don’t like or particularly care for. See if you can imagine that the light within them is the same light within you. See if you can love that light… in truth we all love that light! Focus on it in your imagination. Fan its flames. Imagine coaxing this soul to allow more light to rise up within them, or the object being filled with light. Imagine you are a pure Divine Soul, sending your own love to help awaken theirs.
If you can’t think of someone/something you don’t like, just pick someone or something, even a rock and imagine the light within you connecting with the light within them/it and amplifying that light until it expands and merges with yours. You have just felt your essence.
While it is all too easy to fall into our everyday fears and concerns, taking time to connect with the infinite, has infinite benefits – peace, love, a feeling of being cared for, guidance… all are available, if we only remember that, as the well-known saying goes, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”