A Christmas story from my past…
‘Twas the night before Christmas…
Christmas Eve 1995 was the last Christmas Eve I spent with my former husband. It was a glorious day. My life had changed that year, as I entered the world of energy, healers, angel and intuition. I spent the majority of the year working long hours at my job while at the same time pursuing my spiritual growth. I was in love with life and the world. I was in love with my husband. I wasn’t sure if I was pregnant or not at Christmastime because I kept having visions of a girl around me, who I could feel but not quite see. I had no idea that I would be taken up into the heavens that night for a beautiful encounter with my angels. It was a present that would change my life.
This was the best Christmas Eve I had ever enjoyed up to that point in my life – unhurried, filled with phone calls to loved ones, a beautiful dinner, and a sweet exhchange of presents. However, an hour before we were scheduled to leave for midnight mass, when my husband was in the shower, and I was simply sitting enjoying the lights, I felt a familiar buzz of energy running throughout my body. It got stronger and stronger until I felt a huge current spark throughout my entire being as if I had been shocked, but there was nothing electrical around me. Suddenly a piercing pain shot through my heart, burnt through the left side of my body and travelled down my left arm. I gasped, hunched over and started to pray. I didn’t know if I was having a heart attack or simply feeling some big energy burst through my body. I laid down on the couch, tried to breathe, and shut my eyes as I felt my spirit spiral out of my body. I found myself in another realm, surrounded by my guides a nd angels, feeling the an incredible sense of peace and wonder.
“You have completed one of the lessons you came to learn,” they told me. “What?” I asked inwardly, hoping I wasn’t dying. “You’ve learned that love is what matters most. Unconditional love.” “What lessons have you learned about presents?” they asked me. I told them that I had learned to enjoy material things because they were fun, but that I had learned they were no longer important in the greater scheme of life. I had learned that love is the only thing that truly matters, and the only thing that lasts.” I had a moment where I started wondering what had happened to me and where I was. I still didn’t know what had caused the pain in my body. I continued talking to my guides. “I want to live! I want to be of service! I want to share great joy and the abundance in my heart with mankind!” There in the other realms, talking to my guides, I felt the Presence of God’s love so strongly that I desired, craved… longed to share it with the world . I wanted to be of service as surely as a starving person longs for food, a parched soul longs for water, or a lonely soul longs for love. I felt the light of God’s love burning within, needing, desiring, bursting within me to be expressed into the world. I waited to see what would happen next. For just a second there was pure silence.
Suddenly, as I made this commitment to service and joy, I felt angels all around me, as if they were celebrating. “That is the decision we hoped you would make!” they exclaimed. I suddenly saw eight of them around me cradling me in their arms and doing energy work upon my light body. I felt myself to be pure light, but I felt I was encased in something, like a mask or a shell. One started to peel away this mask that was covering my face and soon I saw the mask was being peeled away from my entire body! I felt as if I was a spirit that had been mumified and the angels were unwrapping the fabric until only the light of my soul remained.
In this other realm, I stood up and hugged one of my guides. As soon as I touched him, we began to fly, not as birds do, but as energy must feel when it travels through space and time. When we slowed down we had materialized back into our bodies and were standing somewhere on a beautiful beach at sunrise or sunset. The sun was blazing brightly over the ocean’s horizon and waves lapped back and forth caressing my feet. It all felt very real. I forgot about the pain in my arm and simply asked questions. “Am I pregnant,” I asked. Suddenly I knew the answer. I was not “with child” but rather rebirthing myself. The scene changed in answer to the question and I suddenly found myself in the arms of what I can only label the archetypal goddess energy, who rocked and cradled me and kissed my forehead as one would kiss a baby. This powerful feminine enegy told me I would always be cared for and that I could return anytime. I knew this energy was the feminine face of God’ s love. “She” told me that her power was greater than the fury of a thousand storms on earth, and yet all she ever chose to share with her children was love. I felt at one with her, with life, and with my own spirit… and then she sent me back.
I woke up on the couch, feeling as if I had slipped back into my body as a hand finds its place in a glove. I felt empty, and started shaking and crying, feeling vulnerable to my core. I knew I had just made a commitment that would change my entire life and it scared me. What had I done? What had I said? What chain reaction of change had I initiated? The shaking was from fear, as I knew things would never be the same. I thought of the feminine energy that had just held me and insteantly, I felt a warmth burning through my body. Suddenly I knew that the light and the love I had witnessed in the other realms was there, very much alive within me. At midnight mass a mere hour later, I felt the angels all around me and felt as if my heart would burst.
A year later, the entire landscape of my life had changed. I was divorced – not because my husband and I lost love but because we realized how our paths had diverged to the point where the futures we wished to create were no longer in alignment. He wanted a conventional life with a normal wife and kids and I felt a calling to service. We had separated with kindness and love, but I was besieged by guilt. I was the one who had changed. All but one of my friends and both of our families did not understand. I was suddenly without companionship of any kind. I had quit my job in engineering and was “psychic in the window” at a local bookstore on the slowest days of the week. I had left my warm, cozy home, my dogs, and in fact my entire life, and was living in an apartment that I had decorated, but still felt empty.
I cried my heart out that first Christmas Eve on my own. I doubted my decisions. I felt guilty over not being the woman everyone expected me to be. I wondered if I was alone because I had done something wrong. And yet truth glimmered in my heart. I had touched heaven, seen the angels, and when I was honest with myself, I knew I was following my calling. I put on my winter coat, left my apartment, and stood under the stars on that very Silent Night and I prayed. “God let me feel your presence. I know you are there. Fill me with your love. Help me remember why I am going through all this. Let me be of service, but first please let me feel your love. I feel alone and I know I am not.”
Slowly the light began to glimmer in my own heart. I woke up on Christmas morning knowing I had to take charge of my life and my happiness. I knew I had done all this for a reason. On a very non-traditional Christmas, I climbed Camelback mountain and sat basking a the top in an atmosphere of love and family and friendship with total strangers. I remembered that I was never alone, but rather intricately connected with all of life, nature, and humanity. In subsequent years, I created new traditions, sharing my love of the holiday season with friends and family and as many souls as I can touch. The Christmas spirit never left me. I only thought it did, during that one year of change. It is there for all of us, every day of our lives, with every breath, for it is the spirit of love from which we are all made.
No matter what you celebrate, I wish you a joyous holiday, a beautiful Christmas, and a beautiful every day of your life. In every breath we breathe with awareness, we allow the Presence of God’s love to burn more brightly within our own hearts. I can think of no greater gift, than the gift of a life lived in this body, on this earth, feeling that love.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holy Holidays to you!
Love you all,