Hi All,

Today the angels address a theme I've seen in lightworkers this year - the seeming conflict between wanting to help others and wanting to take care of ourselves. They've shared this wisdom with me over the years, and it has helped me live a happy life while serving authentically.

So if you're tired of one-sided relationships, feeling guilty when you can't help others, or even burnt-out and resentful about life's "takers," I think you'll like this one, especially the section about the "Victim V" that may help you understand some people who have moved through your life.

Tips included as always.

Have a blessed & beautiful week :)
♥ Ann

by Ann Albers in Phoenix AZ

My dear friends, we love you so very much,

You are lovers, dear friends. You love to uplift people because seeing another shine brighter as a result of your light delights the soul. You love to help when your service can truly assist because it keeps love in flow. You love to share with those who will make use of your gifts because it helps you feel abundant.

But where you get into trouble—burnt out, tired, or resentful—is when your giving is not done from the natural impulses within. Far too often, you give out of a sense of duty or because you fear what may happen if you don't. You may feel someone has no one else, or you may simply feel you won't be a good person if you don't help.

There are so many misunderstandings around this topic, but the easiest thing to remember is very simple:

Giving, sharing, or serving from your love or joy comes from the light within. Giving, sharing, or serving without that love or joy comes from the ego.

And it is never wrong, of course, to help another. But divinely guided giving uplifts both giver and receiver, while ego-based giving can easily drain one and make the other feel "less than."

There are no hard-and-fast rules about when it is "right" to give. You have your own inner compass to guide you. Your feelings tell you, before you do a thing, which exchanges will be mutually uplifting and which will not; which ones will serve your greater desires, and which ones will distract from them.

Pay attention to your feelings.

If you are a parent, you may not feel like taking your kids to school in the moment, but your deeper feeling is love for them and a desire to see them thrive. If you can focus on that love, suddenly the drive seems like a privilege rather than a chore. If, however, a perfectly capable adult wants you to chauffeur them around on a regular basis, you may not feel the same way!

Suppose a family member you love calls and asks if you have time to help them with a project on the weekend. If you do have time and you feel inspired, then you will both be uplifted. If you don't, then either politely decline or arrange another time.

None of you likes to disappoint another, but we marvel at how easily you will disappoint yourselves in an attempt to please someone else.

You need never feel guilty for being honest, dear friends.

You need never feel responsible for another's well-being unless they are your child or a dependent. And even then, they are responsible for their own moods!

Your kind and compassionate honesty is love. Inauthentic service is not.

You can do the same act with completely different energy and have completely different results. You can feed people with resentment, and they will feel "less than." You can feed them with love, and they will feel lifted.

You can help a grown child by giving them money to support their goals while believing in them, taking care of yourself, and focusing on the love. In this case, your energy is saying, "I love you. I believe in you. I know you can succeed, and I'm not going to sacrifice myself for you. I'll share from my abundance of love."

What they do with your gift is up to them. You are in a vibration of love, in which you have the best chance of uplifting them.

Or you can give out of duty and resent it. Perhaps you don't believe they can handle the consequences of their own choices. Or more honestly, perhaps you don't believe you can handle the consequences of their choices.

It is the same action—sharing money—but in this case, you are sending an energetic signal that says, "I don't trust you. You could mess your life up and never recover. I couldn't handle it if you do. I will save you to spare myself from the consequences I fear."

Dear ones, that is not the signal you would ever intend to send another, but it is often what gets sent.

Again, what they do with your gift—and your energy—is up to them. But in this case, your vibration is a mixture of love and fear. This does not serve either of you in the deeper sense.

Perhaps you can find a compromise that feels good to both of you. It would be worth examining your feelings to find a solution that feels more authentic to you.

If we could, we would relieve you of the undeserved guilt that plagues so many of you when you put your own heart first.

You need never feel guilty for being honest.

You need never feel guilty for spending your money on the things you desire, or your time on the projects that make your heart sing.

If you had a friend who was starving, of course, you'd feed them. Everyone deserves food, water, and shelter. But the majority of the time, when you set aside your own heart, it is not to help another survive.

So be kind to yourselves. Take care of your own heart and your own light.

As you allow yourselves to live according to the dictates of your own heart, you will naturally be uplifted. You will naturally feel like giving where giving is useful. And you will live in a flow in which authentic giving, sharing, and serving uplift rather than deplete you.

By all means, help others when your loving heart is full, and it feels like joy. But when it does not, be honest, dear ones, and do so without guilt. For if each soul tended kindly to their own light, your world would be a much happier place.

God Bless You! We love you so very much.
-- The Angels

Hi Everyone,

Something I have witnessed over the years is a phenomenon I named "the boundary bat."

A friend had been going to therapy and learning healthy boundaries for the first time. Like so many people I've seen over the years (including myself!), she got pretty militant about enforcing her new boundaries.

And I've seen this a thousand times.

Often, when someone learns new boundaries, they wait for the old "boundary violators" with an attitude like Clint Eastwood's character, Dirty Harry, saying, "Make my day!" "Just try it!" "I'm ready to refuse you!"

Getting a little feisty is a way of dealing with the initial discomfort of learning to say "no." The anger never lasts. As people get more comfortable being honest, the interactions lose their drama. A simple, "Sorry, I can't," will suffice.

But at this particular time, my friend was in full "Dirty Harry mode, "as I call it. So we got her a big green plastic baseball bat and told her it was the "boundary bat" that she could use to bang on an inanimate object anytime she was mad about something being asked of her!

We all had a good laugh. It helped her put things in perspective, and she eventually became quite comfortable being honest with people about what she could and couldn't do.

I've gone through the pain of learning to say "no" too.  I was a "yes" girl, a "sorry if I don't please you" person in my younger days. I was such an empath that I learned to sacrifice my own well-being, give money I didn't have, and share time I didn't want to give. If it made someone else happy, then I didn't have to feel their pain or displeasure.

That now seems absurd, but it was very real to me then.

The angels repeatedly worked with me to understand that I did not have the power to "make" someone feel anything—good or bad. They reminded me that I could not crawl between their ears and adjust their brain, sending the right signals and shifting their chemistry to "make" a mood.

That was hard to accept at first.

I wanted to believe I could "make" someone feel good. In reality, I could inspire them to feel good in a given moment by doing what they wanted, but the moment I stopped, they were back to feeling miserable.

I was training people, innocently and inadvertently, to give me their power to make them happy and crucify me when they weren't. It wasn't my intention, but it was the energetic dynamic between us.

Now, I'm honest.

I give a lot from the abundance of love and joy in my life, but when I need a refill or have other priorities, I'm sincere about what I can and can't do. Most people appreciate that honesty. Some are disappointed with me, and the rare few have taken it upon themselves to point out how selfish I am for not doing what they want :)

As the angels like to say, others' opinions about us are none of our business.

What matters is our relationship with our own light. Get that right, and you'll have loving reactions with the majority of the people in your life, while a few unbalanced ones may drop away. And that is OK.

Better to be centered in your soulful self than sacrifice inauthentically for fear of being called selfish.

The world needs our light right now.

And this year, more than ever before, I've seen lightworkers backing away from unbalanced relationships in which they gave, and others simply took. Universally, it seems the lightworkers are evolving and wanting relationships that are balanced, mutually uplifting, and fulfilling.

"It is about time," the angels say!

Some have their version of the "boundary bat" going on, some don't. But in either case, becoming more honest with ourselves and others is a kinder way to live.

Here are some thoughts about boundaries I've learned from the angels that will help you become more comfortable with them if you are not.

1.  Boundaries help people understand you

If you don't communicate honestly and have clear boundaries, people are left to guess what is OK with you and what isn't.

If you've said yes your whole life and now you're saying no, they'll be confused and maybe even hurt. A little kind explanation goes a long way.

"I know I've been there for you for years, but lately I need to take more time for my own well-being. I still love you, but I can't be as available as I once was."

And then it is up to them to believe you or not, but you have done your part.

2. Rehearse saying "no" to become more comfortable with it

If you have to disappoint someone, whether by declining an invitation or not being available, it helps to rehearse ways of saying what you need to say honestly and kindly. Get help if you must.

The more comfortable you are with your "no," the more the other person will understand it isn't negotiable.

3. Play the role you wish to play in another's life

One of my dear clients is a brilliant casting director. It is her job to assign roles to people who can play them well. And that's beautiful if you're in the movie industry.

But in our lives, it is far too easy to get sucked into the role others want us to play.

In 1968, a psychiatrist named Stephen B. Karpman came up with what I call the "Victim V."

Imagine the letter "V." When someone feels victimized in their life, whether real or perceived, imagine they sit at the bottom of the "V." At the top of each leg of the "V" are two roles that will be assigned to nearly everyone in their lives. Karpman called these the "rescuer" and the "persecutor."

If you do what they want, they think of you as the rescuer. If not, they can easily treat you like the persecutor.

This is why a person may love you as long as you please them, but then suddenly dislike you the minute you don't.

Until they elevate themselves above the role of victim, they cast others in their own play.

But as the angels often remind us, that is not our business.

What is our business is the role we choose to play in another's life.

I often help people, but I am not their rescuer. I disappoint people at times, but I am not their persecutor. I am simply a soul who knows who I am, what I need, and how to keep my own light on so I can live and serve in joy.

So rather than allowing others to cast you as a supporting actor or actress in their play, decide what role you want to play, how and when you will show up—or if you will at all.

The moment we decide how or when we authentically want to show up for others is the moment we get off the top of that "V" and start living our lives without worrying about the labels and roles others want to assign us.

If it has lemon and garlic in it, I'm all in! Enjoy this healthy fish recipe which works well with any white fish. Easy peasy garlic and lemon squeezy!

Ingredients (2–4 servings)

Fish

• 1–1½ lbs white fish fillets
• Salt & pepper
• 1 tsp oregano
• ½ tsp smoked paprika

• 2 zucchini, sliced
• 1 pint cherry tomatoes
• ½ red onion, sliced thin
• 3–4 garlic cloves, minced
• ½ cup kalamata olives
• Optional - a can of chickpeas

Greek Lemon Sauce

• 3 tbsp olive oil
• Juice of 1 large lemon
• Zest of 1 lemon
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tsp honey (optional but excellent)
• 1 tsp dried oregano

Optional add-ons (Mm)

• Crumbled feta
• Fresh dill or parsley
• Lemon wedges

Instructions

Heat oven to 400 degrees F.

Make the lemon sauce by whisking together the olive oil, lemon juice, zest, dijon, honey, and oregano. This doubles as a tangy Mediterranean dressing/marinade if you want to make more for the next day's salad.

On a sheet pan or baking dish spread zucchini, tomatoes, onion, and olives. Drizzle with about half the sauce and toss lightly

Lay fish on top and season with salt, pepper, oregano, and paprika. Pour remaining sauce over fish.

If you want more protein: Add one can of drained chickpeas before baking. They soak up the lemon-garlic juices and make the dish feel more complete while staying very healthy.

Bake 12–15 minutes depending on thickness.

The tomatoes should burst a little and the fish should flake easily.

Top with feta, fresh dill or parsley and an extra squeeze of lemon. I like all of the above!

This is great with quinoa or couscous, roasted potatoes, etc.